Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Borderlands DLC: General Knoxx Quotes

So, I don't know why these popped back into my head after so long, but they did. One of my favorite parts of the Borderlands DLC: The Secret Armory of General Knoxx was the humor. I mean, it made for some great gameplay and additions to the game, but the humor was just plain epic. Anyway, I wanted to share some of it with you. Even if you don't know the game, you should find this at least somewhat humorous. These are some transmissions from General Knoxx to his Commander: Admiral Mikey.


"General Knoxx update to Admiral Mikey, log file number one. I've just arrived on Pandora and have been investigating where Commandant Steele failed, I mean other than getting impaled by a plate of calamari. Admiral, I expect orders as to my current mission soon. I'll reply when I receive them. General Alphonsa Knoxx, out."


"General Knoxx update to Admiral Mikey, log file two. Do I really have to say that every time? Seems a bit verbose when updatin' you on my current actions and ordeals. Anyway, um, perhaps this is some kind of a joke sir. I had begun stock piling the munitions for what I believed to be the mission at hand, that is retaking Pandora to ensure our control over alien technology which ensures our intergalactic dominance, when I received a package from you marked 'Orders: Urgent.' Its contents included: a mix tape, fourteen sponges, and what I believed to be melted chocolate. I expect this situation to be rectified shortly. General Knoxx, out."


"General Knoxx update to Admir -- oh for God sakes I'm not sayin' it anymore! I still have not received further mission orders despite re-establishing the Crimson Lance outposts on the highway to ensure the security of the depot and control transportation. I even retrofitted our soldier force with newer and more energy-efficient weaponary increase our efficiency by 12 percent. Admiral, I expect a full report within the hour or I will be bringing this matter to a higher authority. Knoxx, out."


"Admiral. I'm not sure if I have offended you in some previous life and you are exacting revenge by watching me unravel at the seams. I have received your sit-rep written with magic marker on the back of a cupcake. It reads, 'Cats are so kool!' And you misspelled cool. I did work my entire life for this position. This ECHO is to inform you that I will be running the operation from here and will be ignoring all further transmissions from you. Bye."


"I know I said I wasn't gonna update you again you brainless moppet, but I thought I would share the news that former Agent Athena has been working with a quartet of donkeys that bested our bulimic albino commandant. You remember Athena, right? Killed the Dahl undersecretary for us a while back? Oh wait, that was before you were born. Unbelieveable. What am I doing with my life? Well, wanted to let you know I'll just be shooting the whole lot of 'em... Oh, and I quit. When this mission is done I'm leaving the Lance, which I know is punishable by death, but the suits that change your diapers couldn't find their car keys if they dropped 'em into their own pockets. So I'm not too worried that you'll track me down on the other side of Grophic IV. In conclusion, toodles."

So, enjoy these and if you haven't bought the game, do so! It is a great deal at this point and will offer some great experiences with a practically never-ending arsenal of weapons and a unique graphic style, plus of course, humorous humor.